Düşmek

Bir düş gördüm.

Düşümde gitarım 50'lerden fırlamış bir bayan vokalist gibi sesler çıkarıyordu. Evet,tam olarak böyle tanımlayabilirim.
Düşümde kimse ölmüyordu, bir noktada zaman duruyordu ve öylece kalıyorduk hepimiz.
Kaybolunabilecek, içinde çürünebilecek, ölünebilecek bir şehirde, etrafımda birlikte kaybolunabilecek, çürünebilecek, ölmekten ziyade birlikte yaşanabilecek insanlarla birlikteydik. İçime korkular salmayan insanlarla. Aklımı kaçıracaktım.
Düşümde son bir hikaye yazıyordum. Sonuncu hikaye, bir eksik ya da fazla değil.
Sonra uyandım.
Bir düş gördüm, yağmur sularına karışmış.

There

I'm not an addict. I'm the addict. The addict I invented to keep this show on the road. Addicted to the life? Fat chance. Addicted to the opposite, not living, maybe chaos, i don't know, actually. I am all the addicts and all the junk in the world. Now I'm using the word "junk" as an illustration. Extend it. I am reality and I'm hooked on reality. Give me an old wall and a garbage can, and i can, by god, sit there forever. Because i am the wall and i am the garbage can. That is i need a human host. I cant look at anything. I am blind. Let me take this opportunity of replying to my creeping opponents. It is not true that I hate the human species. I just don't like human beings. I don't like animals. What i feel is not hate. In your verbal garbage the closest word is "distaste". Still i must live in and on human bodies. An intolerable situation you will agree. To make this situation clearer; suppose that you were stranded on a planet populated by insects.
You are blind.
But you find a way to make the insects bring you what you need.
Even after thousands of years living there you still feel that basic structural distaste for your insect servants. You feel it every time they touch you. That is exactly what it is. Consequently since my arrival some five hundred thousand years ago i have had one thought in mind. What you call the history of mankind is the history of my escape plan.
I don't want love.
I don't want forgiveness.
All i want is out of here.





*Thanks to W.S. Burroughs