Insanity

Then I smelled the night air. Or this was just one way to dramatise the scent of the cheap perfume coming from the lady that walked past, the horrendous smell of car fumes, some trees and some soil. But,anyways,then i smelled the night air. That's the point where i started thinking. You can't imagine the things ethanol lets you do. But no,not tonight. My mind was clear as much as the cloudless sky. My face bathing in the moonlight, and stars just above; gazing upon my very own body, always watchful. I took up the pace but i just didn't know why. I had no rush, neither anywhere to attend. As I mentioned; my mind was clear; as much as it could be. Working like the perfect machine it is, right behind my eyes. This could be a journey, to the emptiness within myself, or this could be the fact that I denied from the very beginning. The night could be the emptiness itself. I tried to stop thinking. Just another pointless attempt. For just once I tried to get out of myself. I just tried to take a glance upon the future, the past and the present that I had lost. Then I felt like losing control. Another crysis, a sickness or a trauma was on the way; moving like thunder to strike my mind. I could begin praying at that exact minute. Desperate more than I could imagine. But thanks to whatever saved me, I kept my sanity,my mind where it should be.

Stopped for a minute or two. Smelled the night air again. Some scotch spreading from my clothes, but sure as hell I didn't drink even one bit. I was not loaded. This time there were people coming down the road. Loneliness is always an option. Not the being alone in the center of the crowd bullshit. But whatever, loneliness is always an option; but ignorance is not. So i could not just ignore them. Looking at their faces, I could see myself. A fool getting colder every minute, harder like a stone. Hmm a riddle! I love them actually... Let us see... What gets colder,harder,and uglier by the minute? A corpse! Right answer. No, not a metaphore unfortunately... Then I started running, felt like a martyr. Funny.

Everything went black by the minute I got where I was trying to reach. My place, my Fortress of Solitude, my dearest coffin. Turned key in the lock, and stepped inside I did. Now I could pass out. Insanity was another option, and it was drawing me towards itself like flies to the shit. Trying to resist I turned on the TV. No use. I went to the bathroom and looked at the mirror. To my surprise, I encountered nothing, nothing at all. That's the end of it, then I passed out right there on the floor.

Bi' Dur

Ya dedim o anda kendime, olm dedim, orda bambaşka yerler var lan. Bildiğin bambaşka kafalar var. Hiç yaşamayı aklından bile geçiremediğin -basit bir vizyon problemiyle- inanılmaz değişik şeyler var. Sonra sordum; ee o zaman? O zaman öyle işte. Ama anladım sonra, o zaman öyle değil işte. O zaman şikayet etme, sorma da.
Olm, orda bambaşka yerler var lan, hiç daha görmediğin resimlerini bile.